How do you know its God speaking and not me?
The other day I was getting a lift home from a driver that my parents had hired while they were here last week on holiday. He asked me, "Why did you leave beautiful Australia to come here? Bali is dirty and busy." He told me didn't understand especially because my parents had told him I'd quit my well paid, comfortable job to work/volunteer here for free. I simply replied, "God told me to come, so I came." I don't know if I inspired him or he thought I was a nutcase.
So I've decided to write about the process I went through to get here because it honestly wasn't as simple as that AT ALL! As cool as my response sounded, it was a journey of doubt and fear for the control freak I am to actually physically be where I am now. Word of warning. This is a VERY LONG BLOG. I apologise for those who don't have the attention span but like I said it was a journey. :)
It started in around October 2010. God was beginning to stir my heart for more in my life. Even though I had a good life I started to feel really unsatisfied. I wondered whether this was all God had planned for my life. I felt like I was suppose to be doing more for the Lord but at the time I was already serving on the youth team, music team, leading a connect group and looking after the church's social media. What else could I possibly fit in my crazy schedule. In a journal entry from January I wrote this:
In Feb '11 we had a guy speak to our youth from a Compassion youth program they had at the time called In my Veins. His goal was to encourage young people to make a difference in their world. Helping people and sharing the gospel should be in our veins. He told us a story from his mission trip in Haiti. They were full of adventure and danger. I loved how God made a way in an impossible and life threatening situation. I totally connected with his story and I wanted that kind of adventure for my life. I was already in the process of organising a visit to my sponsor child in Indonesia after my short term missions trip in July. But that weekend I decided that I was going to move overseas to serve God. It wasn't necessarily going to be Indonesia, I didn't know where or for how long but I was going. The following weekend I was with my mum and told her about the guy's story in Haiti. I ended it with telling her I think that's what I want to do with my life. If you know my mum you know what happened next. She started crying but something unexpected happened she began encouraging me by saying that she knew that, that was God's plan for my life. As hard as it will be to let her baby go she had a peace in her heart about it, God had already spoken to her.
First sign its God, your parents or those who spiritually guide you will support you.
Sometime later my church had an anointing service. As a leader in my church we met the night before for prayer and preparation. The holy spirit touched me and many people gave me prophesies about missions and remembering the dreams of my childhood. You see when I was a child I use to dream about traveling the world to share with everyone the love of Jesus. No matter their background or circumstances I wanted to let them know about Jesus and his love for them. I remember I had big ministry dreams and that I'd become very comfortable in my routine of serving God and enjoying life.
I emailed my Pastor and started telling my closest friends that I felt called overseas. Although some were saddened none of them protested.
Second sign it's God, those who really love you and know you the best will stop you if its not right. Make sure you have good Godly friends who will honestly tell you what they think.
In March, Ps Paulus came to Perth and spoke at my church. One of the points in his message was if you want to find significance in life, live this life for God. I mean what a great message to hear when I was struggling with wanting more for my life. At the alter call Ps Paulus prayed for me he asked God to give me the confidence to follow God's plan for my life. The idea that maybe I was to go to Indonesia started then.
Third thing that shows you it's God, when you need to hear or see inspiration he'll provide it. I don't believe in coincidences, God will position you in the company of people who are to join you.
I wanted so badly to talk with Ps Paulus and his wife about their ministry but because of my church's two campuses he was whisked away to preach at our other campus. Even though I didn't get to physically meet them he did share a bit from the pulpit about the work of Mercy and from our church partnership I knew a bit about their work. I don't think it was a coincidence that when I was trying to work out where God wanted to send me, a missionary came to speak at our church.
When God speaks to us or we receive prophesies, we are also given the responsibility to make it happen. God will not put you in a situation you don't have the strength to overcome or handle. The next few months were full of God encounters and sermons that seemed to be directly speaking to me. I remember driving to a friend's house and suddenly being so overwhelmed by the holy spirit that I just started bawling my eyes out because there were people in the world that didn't know the Lord. It was slightly embarrassing when I my friend came out of her house because she had seen me sitting in her driveway for a long time. Then there was a series at church about living a satisfied life by living out the plans God has for your life. Because of my music team roster I ended up hearing the sermon twice and getting fresh revelation both times. Tim Ross says ministry is 95% discipline and 5% action. I'd been seeking God and getting so many green lights so in June I decided to do something about what God had spoken to me. I knew my Pastor was speaking at Disciple Maker summit. I asked if he would speak to them about whether there was anything I could do in Indonesia for them. He sms'd me while he was still in Indonesia and said Ps Paulus and Ibu yeye had extended an invitation to come for 3-6 months to help in their office with marketing and starting a child sponsorship program. They were very excited. So was I. I had wondered what I could possible offer as a missionary. I'm not a teacher or a doctor but their needs where something I actually had experience in.
Fourth thing that shows you it's God, is that you will have the right skill set. God is always preparing us even when we are not aware of it.
Now that was the easy part. You see the hard part isn't deciphering whether its God speaking to you or guiding you. The hard part is having the guts to do something you are not capable of on your own. I personally found it difficult to physically put all my trust in God. The decision had been made, things had fallen into place now I had 6 months to work out details and if you haven't noticed by the length of this blog. I pay attention to every detail! To give you an idea of how much of a details person I am, the above is a highly edited version. I went back and add then cut out so many bits. When you ask me what I got up to on the weekend be prepared to hear an hour by hour re-telling! Ok I'm not that bad but you get my drift.
I started to save my money, arrange sponsorship, my visa, flights etc. As the departure date drew closer my confidence in the calling of God was definitely tested. Sometimes its scary and uncomfortable to follow God's plan for our lives but you must remember that his plans for us are always good. Like it says in Jeremiah 29:11. His plans are for us to prosper. Quitting my job for example was a toughy! It meant that I was actually going to trust God with my finances. I was no longer going to be providing for myself. This was something so new and foreign to me. Apart from one month of unemployment, I have worked since I was 14. My parents always taught me that to have the material blessing we had, we needed to work hard for them. So I did. For you following God's call on your life may not be as drastic as quitting your job and moving countries like mine was but at the same time God will put you through the refining fire. There will be things that are hard to let go of. It hurts and stretches us but the character built in these times are what we need to achieve the goal ahead of us.
You know it's God speaking to you when even though it gets a little uncomfortable you know in your heart and have a peace that it is the right thing.
If you are confused or the stretch is more than you can handle then perhaps it is not the right time or season for you to be pursuing that path. I had tried to go on around 4 missions trips prior to the two I went on in 2011. Every time something beyond my control stopped me from going or the trip itself got cancelled. I was really disappointed each time but it didn't mean that God wasn't calling me, it just meant it wasn't the right season to open up that part of my destiny.
You know that saying, its always darkest before the dawn? Well that kind of happened to me the month before I left. I began having serious doubts. Being able to leave like I did was because of the stage my life was in. I'm single with no children or mortgage. I've got a degree and although I had a good job it wasn't a position I could build a lasting career in so a part from my family, friends and church nothing was physically stopping me and I would never have this time again in my life with no real responsibilities. It was sinking in that I was leaving everything I had known for my whole my life. Majority of my friends are married and quite a few are/were pregnant. I've always longed for a family and children. As we celebrated Christmas and I finished up at work some really negative thoughts began filling my head. What if God really hasn't called me, am I just running away because my life wasn't in the season I had imagined it would be by now. Growing up I had a plan. I'd finish school, go to bible college, go to university, meet my husband, get married and start having babies by the time I was 22. I look back and laugh at it now because the first year out of high school the plan was foiled. Then when I overcame those thoughts my self confidence was attacked. As a teenager I really struggled with my self image. I hated myself and based my self worth on my appearance. Since then God has really worked on me and I've grown to love who I am. I had discovered that I actually am beautiful and my confidence is no longer based on what people thought of me but how God saw me. During that month, things and situations just happened to remind me of those previous insecurities I had with my body. I remember sitting in my room crying out to God and asking him what the hek was going on. Where was the rock I was so used to standing on? Was being in Indonesia going to be like this? Me dwelling on what I didn't have and having to deal with issues I thought were long gone. I wrote in a previous blog about how I had an epiphany at church a week before I left for Indonesia. I was sharing with a lady from my church how I was scared and even though I knew it was God who called me I was beginning to doubt. I realised from my conversation with her that the problem with my fears was that I was beginning to focus inwardly. I was scanning myself and looking at all the things I lacked.
The final key to knowing it's God calling you is that without him you can't do it.
The negative thoughts which created doubt and fear were hard to experience BUT they highlighted the truth in my favourite bible verse. Luke 18:27 "The things which are impossible for man, are possible for God." I am no one particularly special or different to you but I serve a God who is more than capable of anything.
Now that I am here, I am still unsure of things. I'm out of my comfort zone because my bahasa is not good, I don't have my friends and family around and things here in Bali are very different from Australia. But I know God has me here for a purpose.
You may never know 100% that its God speaking to you but knowing his plans for us are good and having faith in the promises of God will guide you.
So I've decided to write about the process I went through to get here because it honestly wasn't as simple as that AT ALL! As cool as my response sounded, it was a journey of doubt and fear for the control freak I am to actually physically be where I am now. Word of warning. This is a VERY LONG BLOG. I apologise for those who don't have the attention span but like I said it was a journey. :)
It started in around October 2010. God was beginning to stir my heart for more in my life. Even though I had a good life I started to feel really unsatisfied. I wondered whether this was all God had planned for my life. I felt like I was suppose to be doing more for the Lord but at the time I was already serving on the youth team, music team, leading a connect group and looking after the church's social media. What else could I possibly fit in my crazy schedule. In a journal entry from January I wrote this:
"There is so much of me that wants to pretend I'm ok but I'm petrified that this is all my life has to offer."
I felt bad for feeling that way because I knew I didn't need to freak out about the future nor dwell on the many failures of my past. I just needed to know that God is good. I had this empty unsatisfied feeling for a good 4 or 5 months but kept on waiting on God. In Feb '11 we had a guy speak to our youth from a Compassion youth program they had at the time called In my Veins. His goal was to encourage young people to make a difference in their world. Helping people and sharing the gospel should be in our veins. He told us a story from his mission trip in Haiti. They were full of adventure and danger. I loved how God made a way in an impossible and life threatening situation. I totally connected with his story and I wanted that kind of adventure for my life. I was already in the process of organising a visit to my sponsor child in Indonesia after my short term missions trip in July. But that weekend I decided that I was going to move overseas to serve God. It wasn't necessarily going to be Indonesia, I didn't know where or for how long but I was going. The following weekend I was with my mum and told her about the guy's story in Haiti. I ended it with telling her I think that's what I want to do with my life. If you know my mum you know what happened next. She started crying but something unexpected happened she began encouraging me by saying that she knew that, that was God's plan for my life. As hard as it will be to let her baby go she had a peace in her heart about it, God had already spoken to her.
First sign its God, your parents or those who spiritually guide you will support you.
Sometime later my church had an anointing service. As a leader in my church we met the night before for prayer and preparation. The holy spirit touched me and many people gave me prophesies about missions and remembering the dreams of my childhood. You see when I was a child I use to dream about traveling the world to share with everyone the love of Jesus. No matter their background or circumstances I wanted to let them know about Jesus and his love for them. I remember I had big ministry dreams and that I'd become very comfortable in my routine of serving God and enjoying life.
I emailed my Pastor and started telling my closest friends that I felt called overseas. Although some were saddened none of them protested.
Second sign it's God, those who really love you and know you the best will stop you if its not right. Make sure you have good Godly friends who will honestly tell you what they think.
In March, Ps Paulus came to Perth and spoke at my church. One of the points in his message was if you want to find significance in life, live this life for God. I mean what a great message to hear when I was struggling with wanting more for my life. At the alter call Ps Paulus prayed for me he asked God to give me the confidence to follow God's plan for my life. The idea that maybe I was to go to Indonesia started then.
Third thing that shows you it's God, when you need to hear or see inspiration he'll provide it. I don't believe in coincidences, God will position you in the company of people who are to join you.
I wanted so badly to talk with Ps Paulus and his wife about their ministry but because of my church's two campuses he was whisked away to preach at our other campus. Even though I didn't get to physically meet them he did share a bit from the pulpit about the work of Mercy and from our church partnership I knew a bit about their work. I don't think it was a coincidence that when I was trying to work out where God wanted to send me, a missionary came to speak at our church.
When God speaks to us or we receive prophesies, we are also given the responsibility to make it happen. God will not put you in a situation you don't have the strength to overcome or handle. The next few months were full of God encounters and sermons that seemed to be directly speaking to me. I remember driving to a friend's house and suddenly being so overwhelmed by the holy spirit that I just started bawling my eyes out because there were people in the world that didn't know the Lord. It was slightly embarrassing when I my friend came out of her house because she had seen me sitting in her driveway for a long time. Then there was a series at church about living a satisfied life by living out the plans God has for your life. Because of my music team roster I ended up hearing the sermon twice and getting fresh revelation both times. Tim Ross says ministry is 95% discipline and 5% action. I'd been seeking God and getting so many green lights so in June I decided to do something about what God had spoken to me. I knew my Pastor was speaking at Disciple Maker summit. I asked if he would speak to them about whether there was anything I could do in Indonesia for them. He sms'd me while he was still in Indonesia and said Ps Paulus and Ibu yeye had extended an invitation to come for 3-6 months to help in their office with marketing and starting a child sponsorship program. They were very excited. So was I. I had wondered what I could possible offer as a missionary. I'm not a teacher or a doctor but their needs where something I actually had experience in.
Fourth thing that shows you it's God, is that you will have the right skill set. God is always preparing us even when we are not aware of it.
Now that was the easy part. You see the hard part isn't deciphering whether its God speaking to you or guiding you. The hard part is having the guts to do something you are not capable of on your own. I personally found it difficult to physically put all my trust in God. The decision had been made, things had fallen into place now I had 6 months to work out details and if you haven't noticed by the length of this blog. I pay attention to every detail! To give you an idea of how much of a details person I am, the above is a highly edited version. I went back and add then cut out so many bits. When you ask me what I got up to on the weekend be prepared to hear an hour by hour re-telling! Ok I'm not that bad but you get my drift.
I started to save my money, arrange sponsorship, my visa, flights etc. As the departure date drew closer my confidence in the calling of God was definitely tested. Sometimes its scary and uncomfortable to follow God's plan for our lives but you must remember that his plans for us are always good. Like it says in Jeremiah 29:11. His plans are for us to prosper. Quitting my job for example was a toughy! It meant that I was actually going to trust God with my finances. I was no longer going to be providing for myself. This was something so new and foreign to me. Apart from one month of unemployment, I have worked since I was 14. My parents always taught me that to have the material blessing we had, we needed to work hard for them. So I did. For you following God's call on your life may not be as drastic as quitting your job and moving countries like mine was but at the same time God will put you through the refining fire. There will be things that are hard to let go of. It hurts and stretches us but the character built in these times are what we need to achieve the goal ahead of us.
You know it's God speaking to you when even though it gets a little uncomfortable you know in your heart and have a peace that it is the right thing.
If you are confused or the stretch is more than you can handle then perhaps it is not the right time or season for you to be pursuing that path. I had tried to go on around 4 missions trips prior to the two I went on in 2011. Every time something beyond my control stopped me from going or the trip itself got cancelled. I was really disappointed each time but it didn't mean that God wasn't calling me, it just meant it wasn't the right season to open up that part of my destiny.
You know that saying, its always darkest before the dawn? Well that kind of happened to me the month before I left. I began having serious doubts. Being able to leave like I did was because of the stage my life was in. I'm single with no children or mortgage. I've got a degree and although I had a good job it wasn't a position I could build a lasting career in so a part from my family, friends and church nothing was physically stopping me and I would never have this time again in my life with no real responsibilities. It was sinking in that I was leaving everything I had known for my whole my life. Majority of my friends are married and quite a few are/were pregnant. I've always longed for a family and children. As we celebrated Christmas and I finished up at work some really negative thoughts began filling my head. What if God really hasn't called me, am I just running away because my life wasn't in the season I had imagined it would be by now. Growing up I had a plan. I'd finish school, go to bible college, go to university, meet my husband, get married and start having babies by the time I was 22. I look back and laugh at it now because the first year out of high school the plan was foiled. Then when I overcame those thoughts my self confidence was attacked. As a teenager I really struggled with my self image. I hated myself and based my self worth on my appearance. Since then God has really worked on me and I've grown to love who I am. I had discovered that I actually am beautiful and my confidence is no longer based on what people thought of me but how God saw me. During that month, things and situations just happened to remind me of those previous insecurities I had with my body. I remember sitting in my room crying out to God and asking him what the hek was going on. Where was the rock I was so used to standing on? Was being in Indonesia going to be like this? Me dwelling on what I didn't have and having to deal with issues I thought were long gone. I wrote in a previous blog about how I had an epiphany at church a week before I left for Indonesia. I was sharing with a lady from my church how I was scared and even though I knew it was God who called me I was beginning to doubt. I realised from my conversation with her that the problem with my fears was that I was beginning to focus inwardly. I was scanning myself and looking at all the things I lacked.
The final key to knowing it's God calling you is that without him you can't do it.
The negative thoughts which created doubt and fear were hard to experience BUT they highlighted the truth in my favourite bible verse. Luke 18:27 "The things which are impossible for man, are possible for God." I am no one particularly special or different to you but I serve a God who is more than capable of anything.
Now that I am here, I am still unsure of things. I'm out of my comfort zone because my bahasa is not good, I don't have my friends and family around and things here in Bali are very different from Australia. But I know God has me here for a purpose.
You may never know 100% that its God speaking to you but knowing his plans for us are good and having faith in the promises of God will guide you.
Awesome post Jess, and know that God is working in ways that are way, way beyond our comprehension. Your obedience to His calling is so great! Thank you for being so willing to say 'Yes' despite all the natural barriers.
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Ellis
Terima Kasih Ellis!
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