Out with the Old & in with the New

A common saying but it’s something that has been given a whole new meaning to me over the past few days/weeks.

So previously I was living in an orphanage/ women’s refuge here in Denpasar, Bali and although exhausting it was amazing. I loved it. I'd go into the office everyday then come home to a house of 13 children, 3 women and our house parents. There was always something that needed doing or someone to talk to.

I have been in Bali as a missionary for 3 months now and I was beginning to feel like I'd gotten to a place where I was comfortable in my surroundings and routine. I still speak the language terribly and stick out like a sore thumb but I was beginning to feel comfortable.

Then my world got turned upside down when I was told it was time I move into a place on my own. I was back to square one; where I didn't know anything. I found a place close to the office so that I could walk, it was clean enough and within a week I was packing my things. As I left all the girls were crying and it was really hard especially because although I knew I had to, I didn't really want to go. The couple who run the house I was in, helped me clean the place and move it. They truly treat me as if I am one of their own daughters. I love and appreciate them more than I can communicate with them.

Anyway the week after moving in I began to feel really alone like I had when I first came here. Some people, who I thought would be there, simply weren't. Now this is not to say that the friendships I've built here are not sincere and true. It may have just been a busy week for everyone etc but I just felt I had nowhere to turn at the time. I was stressed about not being able to speak Indonesian well, getting my visa extension in on time and working out everything from where to get food, clean water and phone credit in my new surroundings especially as I don’t really have a method of getting around except for my feet. I seriously contemplated packing it in and giving up. I feel into a depression and I thought the only solution was for me to go back home to Australia. I was miserable. The thing about me is I often tend to internalise my feelings, even when they end up showing on the outside, I still don't speak to anyone about them. I can be so upset in tears and even my best friend will have to work hard to pry out of me what is actually wrong. I decided to stay in Indonesia but I'll be honest; it was partly because of my pride and partly because I knew God would eventually come through for me. My faith and experiences have shown me that He always does and I’m sure He always will.

So where does out with the old and in with the new come from? Well I've been reading an extract from a book that someone gave me called 'Authentic Christianity' by Ray Stedman (if anyone has the full book, I would love to borrow it!). The old covenant between us and God was that everything comes from me, and nothing came from God. In the Old Testament everything came through rituals and sacrifices to God. In the new covenant between us and God, the roles are reverse, we are expected to bring nothing and let God be everything. Now if you've been in church long enough you would have heard this. We need to let God be our everything. I knew this but it wasn't a revelation that I truly lived. Many veteran 'Christians' still live in the old covenant. They rely on their own skills and talents to pull them through. It is true that God indeed gave them to us but if we rely on these instead of God there was really no need for Jesus to lower himself to be crucified like a common criminal for our sins to make the new covenant. If we expect success because we have enabled it, we are totally living in the old covenant. Paul in the bible understood this to the core but as the book revealed he too didn't get it from day 1 as a Christian. In fact it took him 10 years to work out that for him to achieve 'success' as a Christian minister he needed to be nothing first. He needed to be humbled. I could try to explain the process of how the equipped and qualified Pharisee fresh convert Paul, could not find success as a minister of the gospel became Paul, the writer of much of the New Testament and I would say the greatest missionary that has ever graced this earth but Ray Stedman did it much better than I ever could so I found a link to the chapter in his book. http://www.raystedman.org/authentic-christianity/the-secret (Trust me it’s worth the read even if only this one chapter!)

“Have you reached that place which Jesus described as "blessed"? "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." To be "poor in spirit" is to be utterly bankrupt before some demand of life, and then discover it to be a blessing because it forced you to depend wholly upon the Lord at work in you. That is where you learn the truth of the new covenant, and nowhere else. We have much to learn yet about why it works, but you can only find out how it works when you discover it in your own experience.” (Authentic Christianity Ray Stedman, 1975)

As I sat in my small Indonesian flat and read this last paragraph of the extract I realised how I too like Paul had thought, ‘Hey I’ve got this, I can preach, I have a degree, I have been in ministry for years, I know am familiar with this crowd.’ I am so used to relying on my position in church or my own skills and training to achieve success. I had in fact been living in the old covenant. As I realised this, I understood why I was where I was. God needs us to come to him humbly, for some people they can do that where they were at. For me, this was definitely not the case. God needed me to experience not having the comfort of material possessions, or the comfort of providing for myself financially, or having my friends and family around me to support me. In 2 Corinthians 11:30 Paul says if he must boast, he will boast about his weakness and tells of the most humiliating moment in the life of his ministry as his greatest testament. I so relate to this. I wanted so bad to just go home. I cried and complained to God like a little spoilt toddler. I didn’t have the strenth in me to continue.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NIV)

 “7 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

The only way God was going to be able to get through my big head was to take me to a place where what I had was not good enough. Have you been to that place where you finally realise that your strength comes from your weakness? My prayer is that you consider putting yourself in a position where you can. I know not everyone is called to quit their job and move to another country but we are all required as Authentic Christians to step out of our comfort zone and become less so He can do his work.

Go on, get on with it, out with the old and in with the new!